No, this was not an easy week. Although we had overcome the ’shock’ of possible metastasizes around the lungs, my physical shape rapidly went down. Fatigue, not being able to get my own cup of tea, muscle-ache, bone-ache, lost appetite and diarrhea were suddenly back. And Katy felt it. It is amazing what strong senses little kids have. Parent sad, kid crying, parent concerned about kid for not understanding why, kid even more upset.

Everything in life is tightly connected. One more hospital visit and thorax photo did not clear up anything. The downwards spiral is just a consequence of many factors. It might even still be one of the viruses that has infected all of us around here this winter. But I am not only more receptive, it also hits my body much harder than a more healthy body. I am continuously living on the edge of my energy- and fat-reserves. One disorder and the system collapses. In no other body is the everything-is-connected-to-everything principle as visible as in a cancered body.

For me this is another evidence of ‘The Zero Point Field’, the everything connecting energy field. The book I am reading now, “The Field” (by L. McTaggart), is a collection of many scientific research programs. It is about how living and inert entities are connected together with the same ‘central’ energy source, sometimes in history called ‘The Holy Spirit’.

Somehow I turned the downwards spiral around again. By the end of this week, when I came home from the hospital completely exhausted and feeling sick, I ate some not-on-my-diet dark brown bread and cheese and my favorite Thai Tom Yam soup. It was just the kick that I needed. On Saturday, for the first time in ten months, I got out of town without going to the hospital. Instead I was picked up by some friends to have a (tiny) walk in the woods. It was a gorgeous sunny day, we had a drink on the terrace, while Katy was playing in the playground. The smell of the trees and just being outside made me forget all about the pains and discomforts I thought I was suffering from.

Also the swimming pool and steam-bath at Kuur en Herstel this morning made me feel fitter again. When we came home (I needed a driver, since walking was still to heavy for me), we found Katy and Sam all dressed up. That, once more, made me realize how worthwhile it is to turn the spiral upwards all the time.

There was the spirit, my two Holy Spirits.

Joost

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