The other day I got a touching story to read about an unexpected visitor called ‘cancer’ (from Piet Weisfelt’s book ‘Aardewerk’). In the beginning he is quietly sitting in the corner drinking a coffee. But gradually he is taking up more and more space in the house. The cancer-sufferer (kankerlijder) knows he will not be able to get this visitor out of his house and yet is convinced he will ‘win’ in the end.

This is touching. I have always been convinced to stay owner of my own house and will not let anyone else take over. Unwanted visitors will be kicked out completely. I have always been convinced to ‘win’. My mind is strong enough, but is my house? This story reminded me of a conversation I had with Jenn a week earlier. We started to realize that there is a third option between winning or losing the ‘house’. What if I will not be able to get the visitor out of house or not let him be able to take over and kick me out?

Honestly I had not given enough thought to that idea during the first half year of my disease. And although my preferred scenario still is my goal, I have to face the second scenario where the visitor and I have to live together for a long time, because I won’t let him get me. This will only be possible if we start to be friends together, living in the same house.

Thinking about it, I have grown since he and I lived together. He gave me many ‘life-lessons’. I can only gain from treating him as a friend and find peace in my house again. Find a new balance in life, a new normal. Whatever the outcome is, I will stay in my house for a very long time.

Going from suffering from cancer (kankerlijder) to personal leadership (kankerleider).

Joost

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